While i was running today, the first time after over a year in long running tights and longsleve (cause I missed the last autumn/winter in Germany <– travelling with the summer), I felt very good.
Strange indeed as I had a 10 month long running break and while starting again last months, I paused for 2 weeks till now, cause of work and a problem with my calf.
Anyway, it feels really good to run in the dark and in whole gear, again. Maybe because you feel more focused, maybe cause no „summer-joggers“ and „beautiful people“ are around. the parks. The streets are empty on a Sunday evening as German people watch the crime TV series „Tatort“ and stick around with their family.Not much people go running outside, alone, in the cold Dark. why should you?
Because It seems to make you think. It starts all over again and again and again: 3 years ago, August of 2007 I started running for the first time and with a lot of discipline (while not having it concerning my diploma, but who the fuck cares, right?) I run my first official 10km run on new-years day 2008. A real success for myself. Me running, 10ks! Holy fuckin nerd!
From that point, till my 10k-run at the Reykjavik Marathon, in September 2008, I did very well (for myself, in Iceland, the only person running it seems in countryside Husavik), but then I lost a lot of spirit and discipline, when I was back. Besides my grandmas death, a new old odd job in Hamburg and finally starting to travel again, I couldn’t keep up with a routine. Same goes for Kendo and my Diet.
To be honest, I hate routine. A lot of people like routine, cause it helps you to get better in things you do (and they say, strange I think, it makes them feel safe), but I hate it.
When I feel can do something, I move on to new things. There are so many things out there you wanna do and try.That’s why I’m not a specialist in anything.
Conclusion: You must accept routine as a positive thing, like a tool, to get better in things you love to do. But watch carefully, that routine owns you!
So, I thought, while running around through the night, that maybe true, but the years passed fast! Things are not the same as the were, when I was running here regular the first time! People vanished, People got babies, Mr.Obama is president and Mr.Jackson died. I changed, I experienced quite a lot of new things. It feels ok, but on the other side, it feels like, I have done this before, come on, move on! Remember, I said, I hate routine.
But as we, who were watching „LOST“ know in the end, you are only allowed to move on when you are „ready“ and so maybe Düsseldorf is my island, my purgatory. There are still things to do, before I can allow myself to move on (really away, change direction, start new things, get a family, etc).
That’s why I will use the dark times coming up, to prepare myself again: Run regularly, eat focused, try to make money to pay my debs, try to get more skilled about the work I chose to do and set new goals for the next year. Or, let the old goals guide me again till I’m ready for new ones.